January 2011
11 tags
"Is that crazy enough for you? Want me to take a...
Introducing, the greatest movie of all time, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I have nothing but irrationally high regards for this film, a true masterpiece. Based off of Ken Kesey’s book, it is the story of an insane asylum and the character’s within it. Randell Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson), is the only sane man in the mental institution. As he finds himself surrounded by...
6 tags
"If you could understand crazy, it wouldn't be...
Splice is the definition of fucked up. It’s about two rebellious scientists who happen to be married. They work at a lab that tries to mix animal DNA to create a brand new species. Unfortunately, that isn’t enough for Elsa, who sneaks off to add a drop of human DNA into the mixture. Her husband, Clide (Adrian Brody), is hesitant to help Elsa with her newest project. Slowly, the...
8 tags
"If she calls, just be gentle, you know? Like...
I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen Thelma and Louise. This movie is just so damn good, definitely the badass chick flick of the 90s. Suzan Sarandon and Geena Davis play two women who need a vacation. After escaping from their mundane lives, they go to a bar to have some fun. When Louise (Davis) narrowly escapes rape, Thelma (Sarandon) shoots the rapist. For the rest of the...
5 tags
"Whether by knife or whether by gun, losing your...
Oh my lord, Funny Games, what a sick and twisted movie. I heard that the 1997 original was better, so I’ll have to watch that soon, but I’m assuming that the 2007 version is equally insane. A family of three goes to their lake house for a quiet weekend of golf, upon their arrival, two young men claim to work for the neighbor’s and continuously make outrageous requests. The family...
7 tags
"THAT, young man, is how babies are made."
Blades of Glory was on TV tonight. It’s rare for me to find a Will Ferrell movie that is actually hilarious, but with the aid of Jon Heder, they do pretty well together. This isn’t a must-see by any means, but it is stupid funny and comically enjoyable. This is the story of two male figure skaters, one with a sex addiction (Will Ferrell), and one who often gets mistaken for a woman...
7 tags
"Let the countdown begin!"
It gives me shivers just thinking about Zero Day. A true masterpiece if I’ve ever seen one and most definitely on my top ten list of favorite movies. It’s basically the story of the Columbine High School shootings, but done as an independent film. It tells the story of two boys who don’t fit in at school. They decide that they want to do something about it. As the viewer watches...
5 tags
"One life ends, another begins."
Alright, it’s about time I get some mainstream films in here. Avatar, where do I even begin with this car wreck of a film? Well, the basic plot is that there is a blue catlike form of people, and a douche bag in a wheelchair who has an avatar with which he communicates to the cat people. And then, from that point onward, just think of Pocahontas. It’s best explained in a piece from my...
5 tags
"Let me get this straight; we're looking for a big...
It pains me to admit to watching a Lifetime movie, but The Craigslist Killer could have been much worse. Based off of a true story, it is about the famous killer who haunted the town of Boston, Mass. To my surprise, the guy was a total badass. I think he would have been the coolest. Not only was he in the top 5% of his class in medical school at BU, but he also was planning his engagement. The...
7 tags
"Enough romance. Let's fuck!"
I was so excited when I Love You Phillip Morris came into theaters. Unfortunately, it was out in about a week. Dying of curiosity, I had to watch it online. I wondered, could it really be so bad that it came and went in one week? The answer? No. It was fucking fabulous. I understand that it had a very small target audience, but it’s amazing. Jim Carrey plays a married con-artist who lands in...
5 tags
"If there's one thing worse than chlamydia, it's...
Easy A really surprised me. I think Emma Stone is a comical genius. It’s the story of an innocent girl named Olive, who, through numerous misunderstandings, accidentally spreads a rumor that she has had sex. Suddenly, all the guys in school are seeing her in a new light. As she explains to her guy friends that it’s all a misunderstanding, they pay her to tell people she’s had sex...
5 tags
"Do you know what the difference is between us and...
The Video Station never fails to amaze me with the films that they carry. Ticked Off Trannies With Knives captured my eye and I had to see it for the sheer levels of ridiculousness. Definitely not a great movie, but fun when you want a good laugh with friends. The plot is more then just some crazed transvestites with knives. It’s a group of 5 transvestite friends who think they met some hot...
5 tags
"Nothing is yours when you invite a teenager into...
Hard Candy is a terrifying thriller about a 14 year old girl (Ellen Page) who agrees to meet up with a 32 year old male photographer who she met on the internet. From the very beginning, the viewer can’t help but say “poor girl” whenever they see the two characters interact. However, sympathy for the young girl flips into sympathy for the man. As she tries to expose him for...
8 tags
"Nobody is entirely evil: it's the circumstances...
Delicatessen is the definition of a french film. It’s artistic, random, and altogether bizarre. Taking place in a butcher shop during a time when meat was scarce, the butcher hires new tenants to be the handy man for the apartment building. Little do the new employees know what happens on the stairs at night. The newest tenant is a kind man who used to make his money being a clown at the...
7 tags
"My dearest daughter, never marry for money, fame,...
I’m about to reveal my second favorite movie of all time, The Fall. An independent film shot in over 18 different countries and presented by Spike Jonze, it is likely to be the MOST beautiful movie you will ever see. The filmmakers used as few computerized special effects as possible, making the movie a real work of art. A paralyzed stunt man spends his days in a hospital, his only companion...
5 tags
"I am a sick man."
Another popular movie among teens these days is The Human Centipede. Although the concept behind the film is both disturbing and vile, the movie is extremely well made. Bad acting is incorporated to purposefully show the stupidity of Americans. The plot follows two American girls on a vacation in Germany. After car trouble, they find themselves at the house of a famous doctor known for his work in...
5 tags
"Always check your candy."
There’s no better tradition then curling up and watching a bunch of horror movies on Halloween. Trick ‘R Treat is easily the best movie for All Hallows Eve. There are four interwoven stories that all connect together in the end. Within the first twenty minutes you meet a serial killing high school principal (Dylan Baker), a hot virgin looking to lose it (Anna Paquin), a group of kids...
5 tags
"You know what? You look a lot better with a dick...
Let’s be honest, at this point, if you haven’t seen Teeth, you’re probably socially inept, or male. This movie is filled to the brim with bad acting and truly mind altering levels of fucked uppedness. It’s just one of those MUST SEE films. Much like Killer Condom or Cannibal Holocaust, this movie can mainly be found online. Some video stores carry it, and Netflix is likely...
6 tags
"This isn't going to have a happy ending."
For those of you who enjoy the murder mystery genre, Se7en will keep you on the edge of your seat. Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman play detectives who are on the case of a unique serial killer. This killer is using the seven deadly sins as a means for his murders. While watching, the deaths become more horrendous as you can’t help but count down which sins have been used and which sins are...
6 tags
"Today people want sensationalism; the more you...
This memorable quote comes from an equally memorable movie, Cannibal Holocaust, also known as “the most controversial movie ever made.” I had heard a lot of things about this film, but I was consistently advised to steer clear of it. That left me with only one thing to do, watch the film. It was made in 1980, years before necessary laws made their way into the film industry. The story...
9 tags
"In a sleazy hotel in one of the worst areas of...
Never in my life have I had an experience that can compare to watching Killer Condom. This movie is fucked with a capital FUCK. Done by Troma, a company that purposefully creates B Movies, it is an extremely well-done film. The lighting alternates between a vivid blue and dark orange, combining opposite colors on the color wheel to create aesthetically pleasing imagery. It is Detective...
5 tags
"Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and...
Last night I watched Mean Girls. I can honestly say, Tina Fey did an amazing job. This movie is one of those rare gems of comedy, especially with the bourgeois entertainment found in most of the movies this decade. I am always pleasantly surprised by this film. Even though it’s a common story of a girl just trying to fit in at a new school, its punch-you-in-the-gut humor is strangely...